John, ya know those leftover frozen turkeys from Christmas?

Spose you can spare one for Joe Grimmer? He's been out of work a while and his kids may very well wind up with a pretty punk Christmas this year...Thanks, John.

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Why am I so good to Skiddy Carson?

Simple. It makes my job easier....Yeah, It's a whole lot easier just to be patient give him a little guidance than it is to simply bust him....Less paperwork, too.


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You got a lotta Moxie, Kid....

What's Moxie? Christ, You don't know what Moxie is? I must be getting too old for this shit.


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I don't want to hear it, Lady.

Save it for your gynocologist


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How did I get stuck with Black Friday duty?

I had Halloween off, that's how. Maybe next year I'll smarten up and work Halloween and take Black Friday off...Maybe. Depends how mad the kids are at Sweeney and what paint and egg sales are like the week before. We'll see.


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Listen, Pal.

The only reason you ain't in the back seat of this car headed to the station is because I'm already up to my ears in paperwork


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Illegal search and siezure? about five seconds it's gonna be illegal search and

squeezure of your neck if you keep lipping off!

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Who do I think I am?

I'm the policeman that has just stopped you for a possible DUI, that's who I think I am...Yup, now please step out of the car.


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Hey, Kid. Did it ever occur to you that what you are thinking about right now

probably isn't the brightest idea you have ever had...Don't lie to me, I can read you like an open book, so you better get good at doing soething because you won't stand a chance in public office!


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Hey, Evie, I heard your boy went into the service. Let me know when he gets

back from basic training...I just want to see him. I get a kick out of seein' the tough guys get cut down to size and the little guys turn into tigers...Yeah. Timmy will be one of the ones that finds out he's a whole lot tougher than he thought he was.


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Hey, Timmy!

Tell your kid broother that what he's up to really isn't too bright... Just tell him. He'll know what I'm talking about, and no, I ain't gonna tell you... Just do what you're told, thank you.


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Keep running your mouth. You are doing a good job of talking your way to

jail.


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No, I can't let you blow the siren...

Then again, maybe I can. Hop in...No, we're not going far, just up the street to Sweeney's. I'll let you blow the whooper, too!



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You say you don't like being addressed as 'Lady"?

I can certainly see why not...Hmmm... Ya know, Jerry Springer is always lookin' for guests.



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No, ya jerk!

This badge is not a license to help myself to anything I want. For one of those licenses ya gotta go to Law School.



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Community leader, my ass.

Who died and appointed you as the new Al Sharpton?



My daily blog is http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Look, if you two don't knock it off,

I'm gonna stuff both a you in the patrol car and we're goin' to West Virginia and the pair of you are going to settle it in the first rest area I come to with swords or pistols. You can't in this state, but those hillbillies down there eat that sort of stuff up.


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Here ya go, Pal.

I just got it about an hour ago I was hopin' sneak a break somewheres and get to read it, but it looks like I'm gonna be too busy. It's a late city edition...You're welcome, Old timer.



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Kid, it may surprise you

to find out that when I was your age the chances I had of attaining sainthood were right about even with yours...Nope, I'm serious...No I am NOT going to tell you about some of the crap I pulled. It might give you ideas and the last thing I want to do is have to bust you for something I did as a kid.



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What's with that bruise on you?

Did you fall or did someone finally get brave enough to touch you with a ten-foot pole?


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You're damned right

I was watching the kids on the vacant lot shoot off fireworks...Yeah, I know they're against the law and no, I didn't do a damned thing about it. In fact, I encouraged it....That's because you don't think... Did it ever occur to you that every cherry bomb set off in the vacant lot means that one less mailbox that will have to be replaced a couple of weeks later when the kids get bored?



My daily blog is http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

No, I don't know how to unclog a damned toilet

...Same thing you're gonna do, call a plumber.

It's a 'Free Mumia' T-shirt

...Yeah... Some guy wearin' it fell and I guess it got a bit torn when I grabbed him by the collar to help him up.

A get out of jail free card from a Monopoly game?

You gotta be kiddin'! ...Yeah, I'll let you cash this in for this, but you're really not too bright cashing this in on a lousy speeding ticket that I wasn't going to write, anyway. You should have saved it for a bank robbery or somethin' worthwhile instead.

OK, Buster, write this down carefully...

It's P-I-C-C- there's two 'Cs' in it-O-L-O, badge number 714. No, you don't need an appointment to see the chief, just bust right in on there...Bring the ticket with you.

You don't like it?

Why don't you call the police?

First Class Scout, huh?

Pretty neat. Stick with it and see if ya can make Eagle, Watch this, Kid. Haters gotta hate....Hey, Sweeney! Remember how you were runnin your mouth about the Muslims? Well guess what?...I just had a word with the Iman down at the mosque and when your church stopped sponserin' Troop 396, guess who took up the slack?...Yup, the mosque.

Someone told me you

needed a letter of recommendation for that scholarship. No problem...No, I'm not going to write it...OK maybe I am, but you can bet your ass I'll get the chief to sign it...You don't WANT the chief to sign it?...Yes, Tommy, I would be PROUD to sign it myself. Thank you. You make me proud to be a cop.

Nah. It all seems to come out in the wash over time.

All I do for a living is make sure people don't kill each other off before it does.

Seems you've smartened up, kid.

Thank God for small miracles...Community College, huh?...Finally got yourself a plan, Kid and I'm glad to hear it...Ya know, I can't picture you behind a desk either, but I'd bet you'll make one hell of a plumber!

No, it wasn't the shootout

during the robbery last year.... If you promise not to laugh, I will tell you the scariest moment I've ever had being a cop... You have to promise... Ok, you promised not to laugh... It was the time I had to break up a catfight between Thelma Lou Rogers and Louise Debrosko. It scared the holy living hell out of me!